I’ve been meaning to start this for a while. And what a better way to start than with an asshole problem involving gender questioning issues?

I walk into Algiers with Lisa a couple weeks ago, a mistake in itself, considering there are rumors about me swimming in that place. (False I tell you!) They check my ID though I’m clearly older than 18 years old, fuckers, and walk past a guy who works there that hates my guts cause I “ripped his heart in half.” (scoffing, nose upturned, might I add) to the corner in the back where there are two chairs next to a glass window. Not the only two chairs in the house, but definitely the coldest cause it’s fucking January in COLORADO. Anyways, there’s a booth kind of thing with two chairs right next two us with two young girls in it (or was it two young girls?) While Lisa is in the bathroom I politely ask them if we can sit on the other side of the booth. The one girl with platinum blonde hair, too much black eyeliner (there IS such a thing after all!), and big baggy black pants on says of course. The other girl in the booth has short hair, braces, and is dressed like a dude. I heard her talking about a guy she liked, so it was safe to assume it was a girl. 

Lisa gets back from the bathroom, and as usual, we just sit in silence. I like having those kinds of friends, that understand that I don’t wanna talk all the time or hear them blabbering on about meaningless shit. Anyways, the silence allows me to hear the conversations of the two girls sitting next to us, and DAMN were those bitches annoying. Instant gratification I tell ya. The platinum emo barbie was talking about her new bathroom which was going to be…. SURPRISE! purple and black. EW. Anywho after listening to the two of them talk about endless bullshit, I began to question the gender of the shemale with short hair. Why is this broad so in to video games I asked myself. Why does she talk about ICP so much? So I did what any girl would do, and texted Lisa about it, when she was right next to me. She was intrigued as well. 

Fifteen minutes goes by and I get a text from Lisa telling me to “watch this, I’ll get it.” This was after I sent her a text telling her I was just going to point blank ask it what it was. I grabbed her leg as she starts to speak to the blonde. I squeeze really hard and I am almost dying I’m laughing so hard. I should really get better at trying to hide what a bitch I am. Instead of doing what I think she’s going to, she tells the blonde she loves her hideous bag. I’m not talking about a purse, though that was clearly what she was using it as. It looks like a reusable grocery bag with the galaxy on it made out of some plastic bullshit. That makes me laugh even harder. She tells us she got it for a dollar at Target. Go Figure. Then, she introduces herself and asks what they girls’ (?) names are. Kayla and Kyle. The shemale was Kyle. 

I thought Kyle was a guy’s name, but I’ll have you know that I know a very attractive lesbian named Kyle with short hair.

The point is assholes, I still don’t know what it was! It liked boys, it liked video games, it liked tea. I’ll never know, and that bothers me. If I ever see it again, I’ll be sure to ask.